I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
even my farts smell like vagina
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
