Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
