take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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