Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
