my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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