but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
