You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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