Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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