Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
