How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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