I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
