Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
