to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
