is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
