Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
