Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
a search helicopter?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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