sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
