Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
