You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
