dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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