capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
