I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
