i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
