Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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