ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
