He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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