She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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