i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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