she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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