just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
