dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
