the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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