the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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