Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
