oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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