im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
