Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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