I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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