Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
