i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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