By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
