She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
