you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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