i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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