it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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