if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
