Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
