no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
