dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
