my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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