you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
