So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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