I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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