My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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