Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
