well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
